You are twenty minutes into a budget discussion when you notice it. Two members at the end of the table are leaning toward each other, talking quietly. Someone else is typing into the group chat while the chair is still speaking. In a virtual meeting it looks different but feels the same. Someone's camera is on but they stopped tracking the conversation ten minutes ago. A private message just went through. The meeting is technically still happening. But the room has split.

What Side Conversations Actually Cost

When members are having parallel discussions, they are not hearing what is being said in the main one. They are voting, abstaining, or making comments based on incomplete information. Decisions get made with part of the board effectively absent even though they are physically present.

They also make meetings longer. When the room has fragmented, the chair has to repeat information, re-anchor the discussion and sometimes relitigate points that were already covered. Members who were not paying attention ask questions that were already answered. The meeting stretches because the group keeps losing its place.

It also signals to everyone else in the room that the meeting is not worth their full attention. One side conversation becomes two. Two becomes a norm. And once it is a norm it is very hard to walk back.

For boards that meet publicly and are often recorded, there is something else to consider. Side conversations that visibly shape a discussion outside of what is on the record are not just a procedural problem. They are an embarrassment to the board and undermine the trust of anyone watching.

Why it Happens

Side conversations usually start for one of a few reasons. The agenda item being discussed does not feel relevant to everyone at the table. Two members have history with the topic and are working something out between themselves. Someone has a reaction to what was just said and cannot wait for the floor to say it.

Sometimes it is habitual. Some boards have been running this way for years and nobody has ever named it as a problem. The behavior is just part of how things go, which makes it harder to address because it does not feel like a violation of anything.

In virtual and hybrid meetings, the same dynamic plays out differently. The camera stays on but attention drifts. Private messages get sent in the chat. Someone mutes themselves and takes a phone call. The side conversation is less visible but just as disruptive, and harder for the chair to catch in real time.

 

The Chair Has to Name It

Side conversations persist because nobody says anything. The chair is the person whose job it is to say something.

This does not require a lecture or a tense moment. A direct, neutral statement is enough. "Let's bring it back to the table" is sufficient in person. In a virtual or hybrid meeting, "I want to make sure everyone is with us on this" does the same work without calling anyone out directly.

The tone matters. If it sounds like a reprimand, people get defensive and the dynamic gets worse. If it sounds like the chair is simply doing their job, most people will redirect without incident.

If it keeps happening, the chair can address it at the top of the next meeting before anything is on the table. Setting expectations early is far less charged than correcting behavior mid-discussion. For virtual meetings, that might also mean setting a clear policy on how the chat function is used during the meeting, and saying so out loud at the start.

What to do if You are Not the Chair

You have less authority here but you are not without options.

If the side conversation is happening near you, stopping your own participation and waiting for it to settle can signal that something is off without making it a confrontation. People often self-correct when they realize someone is waiting.

You can also name it as a process concern. "I am having trouble tracking both conversations at once. Can we finish this point before we move on?" puts the focus on the meeting rather than on the people involved.

In a virtual meeting, the same principle applies. If the chat is running hot during a discussion, noting that you want to stay focused on what is being said out loud gives others permission to do the same.

 

The Group Chat Problem

A board group chat running in parallel during a meeting is a side conversation. Members who are reading and responding to a chat thread are not fully present, and in some cases they are shaping discussion through a channel that is not on the record.

If your board uses a group chat, it is worth having an explicit agreement about whether it is active during meetings. The answer might be yes in limited ways, for sharing a document or flagging a typo in the minutes. Using it to comment on what is happening in real time carries the same costs as the whispered exchange at the end of the table.

The Meeting is the Meeting

Boards that run well have a shared understanding that the meeting is where the work happens. That standard does not enforce itself. It gets built through chairs who hold the room and board members who respect the process enough to be present for it, whether they are sitting around a table or joining from a screen.

The Toolkit

Some links may be affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only share tools that I use or recommend.

• The Better Meeting Bundle
• Method Over Madness Toolkit

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